Hey DAD! You may not want to read this particular blog! There's an Ann Coulter email list that you can get on Facebook! Do that instead, ok?
Tati. Yeah, you'll just hate him even more.
Ok, here goes.
I have this, we'll call it information, on the man who broke my heart. No, forget that. Beating around the bush (pardon the pun which will come (again, sorry) further along) isn't going to work.
So. Yeah. Dbag emailed me a picture of his erect wang and then emailed me a 24 second video of himself spanking the monkey while moaning my name. Ummm...what?!
While I am certain that most women (because they are sane) would've simply deleted the offending picture and video after sharing it with friends and having a good laugh, I have let it take over my thoughts for the past few days and not for the reasons you may think. Perverts.
Well, the first thing I did when I got the picture was quickly text message Cristina, Melissa and Rooster. Then when I got the video I tried to send it to Cristina but I got an error message "FILE TOO LARGE," which is probably the nicest compliment the computer could've given Dbag.
After lots of giggling the questioning began.
1. Why would he send me this?
2. Does he think I'm a gay man? (I checked with my gays and most told me that this kind of thing would turn them on.)
3. What kind of person does he think I am that he would send me this?
4. Should I send this to Lisa (Dbag's new girlfriend)?
I mean, wouldn't she want to know that her boyfriend is videotaping himself choking the chicken and sending it to his ex? I know that I would want to know.
Or would I?
Looking back on my relationship with Dbag I really wish (and I mean it) that we would've ended some other way. I wish I never found out about his infidelities or "sext" and email messages to other women, I wish I never knew any of that stuff because before all that things were perfect (I'm not crazy here folks, I know they really weren't) and I was happy. Blissfully ignorant of what was going on around me. A Love Alzheimers patient. No clue as to what was happening, just happy.
Now that I know (which, sure, ok, fine, is better than not knowing) I am questioning all that good stuff that we shared. All the tenderness. All the schmoopiness. All the stuff that makes watching romantic comedies bearable because you think, "Yeah, that's good but not as great as what I've got!" How can I tell what was real and what wasn't? Do I dismiss it all? Do I parse it out in "good" and "bad" piles? Eff if I know.
As you know ever since Love Karma bent me over the truth chair and donkey punched me I'm trying to get better at this relationship stuff. I'm also trying to be more mindful of what I "put out there" in the world and how it effects other people. I know that if I were to send the picture and video to Lisa that it would accomplish one thing; Lisa would cry. Crap, I'd probably cry as well.
Why would I cry? Well, I suppose I would cry because I know that Lisa is right now, as I type, in blissfully ignorant love and well, I would be ruining that. I know how hard I cried over that guy and I'm not so sure he deserves anyone else's tears. Sure as hell isn't getting anymore of mine.
But maaaaaaannnnn I really, really, really wanted to send this stuff to Lisa. You know as one last final double finger to the Dbag.
I won't. I'm deleting the picture and the video.
Just as soon as I'm finished posting them to Redtube.
xo
2 comments:
Okay so here are my thoughts on this... It really sucks when you realize that the person you're with isn't who you thought he was. The further in you are when you have that epiphany, the more it hurts. I'm not sure what your relationship with Lisa is like. If Dbag cheated on you with her, then it seems like she should pretty much know already what she's getting herself into and doesn't need or deserve any warning. If not, though, it seems like you have the chance to save someone some time and some anguish down the road.
And I usually decide that happy times before the big reveal are kinda like a movie: You can get really caught up in it at the time, but it's not real.
I stand my original assessment that if I were her I'd want to know.
But I also agree with Diane, this Lisa girl has had enough clues and warnings that he is a dbag, so it is kind of her own problem at this point.
Still sorry you had to see that video though! Gahhhh!
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